I have to start from the beginning: My first daughter, Aubree, was born 4 years ago, after 26 hours of labor in a local hospital, being induced, while witnessing the popular interventions of pitocen, pushing strong contractions and an epidural slowing them down. This labor was very slow, dull and frustrating, and at the time I wasn't aware of my rights, or of all the options I had. Shortly after her being born, I started researching pregnancy and birth, and deciding that my next pregnancy, I would do things very differently.
Spring of 2016, I started out my second pregnancy under the same care of the obstetrics office that I went to with my first. I continued to stay with them for a while, even though I knew very well the plans I had for this pregnancy: an unmedicated, out of hospital birth with a midwife, but was feeling nervous to take the plunge and truly go for it. Half way through I finally transferred care and met with my midwife, Katherine, for the first time, where I immediately felt a connection and bond with this woman. She insured me this will be a powerful, magical experience, despite my huge fear of actually giving birth with zero drugs. In the meantime, when conversation would come up about giving birth, I would confidently say how I am doing this all natural and going to be in the water birthing my baby. Then I would stay up at night panicking, crying, losing sleep, thinking "Can I really do this? Am I truly strong enough? Etc.." This went on for quite sometime, until I came to this point, and knew, that IF I am going to attempt the birth of my dreams, that I NEED to change my thinking, even if I had to "fake it, till I make it" So I built up the courage, and my intuition told me to LET GO of my fear. I took control of my emotions, and turned them into self determination. I knew I had to trust my body, and trust my baby. That we know what to do, along with all women before me, and all the women who will do this after me, I am built for this. My due date was December 4th 2016, and on my 10th day past due, my midwife and I started working on a plan to possibly help my body get me into labor. (I was feeling nervous at this point, because legally the birth house cannot deliver babies after 14 days past their due date, so I would have to transfer care back to the OB office and deliver at the hospital) So on Wednesday Dec 14th, I agreed to do a foley balloon catheter to try and help dilate me (All while Katherine always assured me I DO NOT have to do ANYTHING I don't want to) Luckily, when we went to do it, it was unnecessary because I was already dilated to a 4. I was given the option that if I don't go into labor that night, then the following morning, Thursday Dec 15th my instructions would be: Wake up, eat a decent meal, drink castor oil in a milkshake, have sex, and then immediately go for a brisk 20 min walk. So that's what we did! My fiancé Sean took the morning off to help me with this, and we waited a few hours at home. After a while, I wasn't feeling any different so he left for work. Moving into the afternoon, with no sign of labor, or side effects from castor oil, my daughter and I went to my grandmas house to make Christmas cookies with her and my aunt. After a few house, I started getting cramps- nothing painful, just uncomfortable. I kept saying "I really don't think it's labor related, but just the castor oil doing its job" but I kept track of the cramps just in case. Still, throughout the evening, they never got worse, or painful, or progressive. At around 8 pm, I was taking a warm bath and got a call from Katherine telling me that unfortunately she is getting the flu and in case anything is to happen that her work partner, Carolee, will assist me in my birth. (Although I absolutely LOVE my midwife, any of midwives there are nothing less than amazing) but I told her, no worries, because I am NOT in labor! At 9pm, I got my daughter to bed, laid on the couch with Sean and watched TV for a bit, until we went bed at 10pm. I laid there for a while feeling pretty defeated, and started questioning my body, and if something is wrong with me, as to why I'm not going into labor on my own. I closed my eyes, and as soon as I fell asleep, I was awoke by the most intense pain I have ever felt. This was at exactly 11:15pm. I crawled out of bed and into the bathroom, having one unusually painful contraction, followed immediately by another! By the third contraction, and only a couple minutes later, Sean called the Carolee (the on-call Midwife) where she said "Head on over here!" He (trying not to panic) ran and loaded up our bags, got Aubree out of bed and started the car to warm up. A few minutes later he came back into the bathroom, where I was now lifting myself up on the toilet, yelling "I have to poop!" (I didn't realize yet, that it wasn't poop that I had the urge to push out) and although I had prepared myself quite well to get through contractions- what helped me was counting. I started screaming "1!! 2!!! 3!!!... Because I knew that once I get to 30 seconds, that it would start to go away, and that this won't last forever. Sean was begging me to get up and into the car, and I just felt like their was no way I could get clear to the car outside, and across town, so I repeatedly said "I can't!". At that point, he called Carolee back, and while on speakerphone her exact words were "Sean, you are bigger and stronger than her, get her in the car now" So after hearing that, it brought me back to reality and I thought "Okay, I really need to listen" I raced outside, walking right past my boots (it was snowing out) and hopped into the car. As soon as he started driving, I started bearing down in the front seat, and holding myself while starting to push! I was counting my way through the very intense contractions. We did have brief moment of laughter though, when Sean mentioned how in our birth class, the Educator described this exact kind of labor and how in the movies it always shows the couple rushing and the baby coming out, and how it is NOT like that in real life! But, in our case, it so was! He got us to the birth house, in under 10 minutes, normally it takes 25! Everything was moving so fast, and I barely grasped onto the concept of what was happening. At exactly 12:00am I was met at the door by Carolee and I went into the birthing room and immediately to the toilet! (Again, it felt like the place I needed to be to push) She asked me if I can come lay on the bed, while she runs the bath water for me. So I got up, waddled to the bed and laid on my side. Sean stepped away for a minute to get our daughter settled in the living room area and meet my sister at the door (who was planning on being at the birth, and to help with Aubree) while I get situated in the room. The midwife sat right in front of me, stroking my cheek, giving me words of encouragement, when I hit that infamous transition time of the "I can't" when right after that moment, I said "I'm going to push" and she smiled and said "Great! Whenever your ready!" then told the assistant to have Sean come back in the room. After everything was happening at lightening speed, time slowed way down at that second, where I finally thought to myself "Oh my God, I'm really doing this!! My baby is coming, and I am really here doing this right now!" I was on my side, I lifted my leg up and gave one big push, when they said "there's her head!" And again, 100% in the moment, capturing it, taking it all in, and feeling so empowered and strong, knowing, I am pushing my baby out! I gave another push, and her head was out, pushed again, then her shoulders, as Carolee said "Let's give one more and she's here" and I gave one last push while feeling this huge rush of strength! On December 16th, 2016 at 12:15am our second daughter, Veda, had arrived! After all this time of being terrified of pushing and actually feeling a baby come out without an epidural, it was the BEST part, actually feeling it! I didn't feel an ounce of pain, but just strength and excitement knowing I am doing this! She was placed immediately on my chest, and we all gave a huge sigh of relief, and laughed, thinking that Sean almost had to catch the baby in the car and how we made it just in time! Everything that followed in the next few hours, was all that I had dreamt of. I was laying in a big comfortable bed, with Sean and Aubree laying next to me, and my proud sister capturing photos in all the excitement. I knew I had made to best decision for myself and our baby by transferring to a birth house and having a Midwife, because all my wishes were respected and wasn't told to do a single thing. I pushed when MY body was ready to push, I laid however I wanted to be (although my water birth didn't happen because the bath wasn't filled up in time) and I love knowing I did it all on my own, without any drugs, or interventions. I was filled with joy while I was showed the umbilical cord and how white it was after delaying being clamped, my placenta was being placed in an ice cooler to be taken home by the birth assistant to encapsulate, while all the oxytocin is flooding my body as I'm looking down at my naked baby covered in vernix and latching on to my breast for the first time. From the start of my very first contraction until the moment she arrived, was exactly 1 hour!! One hour in my life where I felt more than I ever have in 28 years! We were sent home a few hours later, where we all laid in our bed at 5am in awe that our little family feels so complete and non-stop talking about what had all just happened. I was never truly 100% confident that I really, deep down was going to rock this dream birth I had in mind, but I did, and have an even more profound love and passion for all things birth. And although certain things didn't go exactly as planned, like my Midwife, Katherine, not being able to attend, I feel even more lucky that I had her for my pregnancy and postpartum, AND another amazing midwife, Carolee, who was able to give me the best while in labor! Double the love! Or not giving birth in the water, or getting one single picture during labor, or having my daughter in the room because how quickly it all went- I respect and honor one of the last true beautiful mysteries we have in this world, childbirth. In the meantime, I am 2 weeks postpartum, and amazed with how quickly my body has recovered, I feel amazing, and my healing time was so much quicker than it was with my first child. I've had two appointments with my Katherine since, and I know after my last postpartum visit, I will walk away with a forever friend (Also, who I gave my daughters middle name after!) who always made me feel supported, loved and nurtured during my sacred rite of passage. I've never felt more of a woman, more of a Goddess, a creator of life, than I have 17 days ago.
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"This was for my second. Since I wasn't feeling the baby move as much as she was I got checked and decided to be induced. We called at 5am and was told we could come in in an hour. When we got there we got all set up and they started pitocin. After about 2 hours I started having contractions. They were subtle at first so I practiced my breathing and watched New Girl. Another hour went passed and they were getting stronger. I decided to get an epidural. They came in put the epidural and about 45 minutes later I was ready to push. I pushed for 15 minutes and out came Quinn. They laid her on me while they cleaned her off and the doctor delivered the placenta without me knowing because of the pure bliss of my baby laying on me. He started right away sewing me up. I had a 2 tear so not too bad. They took her to get her weight and measurements and put on a diaper. Right after they gave her to my husband to bring to me. She snuggled into me and then started rooting. She latched right away and nursed for a while before we were taken to our room. We spent most of the 24 hour hospital stay skin-to-skin. We felt like we had to get home to our oldest kid so we only stayed 24 hours. 1 week post: Everything went fairly smooth. Baby and I spent most of our days in my room. The first few days I stayed in bed, but I realized quickly getting in and out of bed was not great for my stitches so we brought in the recliner and that helped! I kept up the ice packs on my stitches and was nursing fairly well. I though since I had nursed before it would be the same. It was not! My nipple tore a little so every time she wanted to nurse I cried. I re-read parts of the Womanly Art of Breastfeeding and switched up some nursing positions and it helped a ton." Photo cred: Cascio Photography On Tuesday the 29th i was 41 weeks pregnant and feeling uncomfortable but surprisingly patient for such an impatient person. I had a late night appointment with my wonderful Midwife, Danielle, that included a prenatal massage and footzoning from her Student Midwife, Mylie. The previous week I had the same massage from her and it was so relaxing I had a few contractions afterwards, so I was feeling hopeful! I was having some troubles from the babys positioning blocking output from my left kidney (hydronephrosis) causing me to not be able to drink very much without my kidney swelling a bit. So I was feeling ready to have her whenever she decided she was ready to join us on the outside. My Midwife normally doesn't perform cervical checks at appointments but I was very curious and asked her to check me. After checking, she happily informed me that I was a 5! Since I had been having prodromal labor all day we both REALLY felt that baby would come that night. I went home to get some sleep for the long night ahead. My drive home from Honeyville was FULL of contractions that started to become uncomfortable. I called my SIL and my dad to warn them that tonight may be the night! As soon as I got home I got ready and went straight to bed before things got too intense. That night I woke up every hour with a good strong contraction but by morning they were still only an hour apart. I told Jeffery that I desperately needed a distraction. I knew I was focusing on my labor progession too much so off to Brigham we went! After playing with Rayden at my parents house in Brigham for a bit Jeffery and I decided to go walk around Walmart (since it was crazy cold) and try to get things moving. By then it was about 11:00 and contractions were about every 20-30 mins. We bought Ray a new bike (bribery to be happy through this crazy day, maybe? Lol) and we went home. 2pm Once we arrived home I figured that I should clean and get dinner in the crockpot. Even though my contractions at that point were averaging 11mins apart (thank you, Fullterm App!) I was in SUCH denial that baby was coming anytime soon. I text my SIL and Midwife to say that they were 11 apart but I was NOT expecting baby anytime soon. My bet was late that night or early the next morning. Contractions were very intense. Rayden and Jeff played outside with his new bike while I prepared a pot roast. Chop a potato, stop, rock and sway my hips through a contraction, repeat. By 4pm I found myself moaning quietly through each contraction and decided it was time for my mom to pick up Rayden. I felt VERY conflicted about her taking him. On one hand I really wanted him gone and settled by the time transition hit but on the other hand I was still in such denial that baby was even coming that night. This would be my first night away from my son. He was super stoked but I was a complete wreck. I bawled (almost hysterically) when my parents took him away. Good thing they took him when they did, though, because as they were heading out the door I was pretty much hanging to my door frame for dear life as I waved goodbye. Then of course I bawled... a lot. Looking back now, I was approaching transition then. I swayed, hummed, leaned on the wall, hung from hubby and just labored. Still in denial that baby was coming soon I text my birth team "contractions are 8 mins apart but please don't rush. I think we still have a long ways to go until baby arrives." Then a follow up text about 15 mins later. "5 minutes apart but still no rush. I don't think it will be soon." Good thing they ignored me and decided to rush because by the time they arrived I was leaning on the wall, swaying my hips, and moaning like an animal lol! Kelsie, my doula and SIL, arrived and I jumped in the tub. She sprayed my belly with water during each contraction and I must say... BETTER than an epidural! Brittany, my birth photographer, arrived second. By this time my contractions were about 2 mins apart and I was approaching transition (however, I was still in denial that I was even in active labor). We went from position to position and NOTHING felt good. I wanted to be in water so badly. In what seemed like minutes I went from laughing with Brittany and Kelsie to hanging onto Jeff shivering (from the rush of adrenaline that transition brings) and heading towards the birth pool. Danielle and her two assistants, Amuri and Mylie, arrived and started rushing to set up and attend to me as I was getting in the pool. Since I had refused to believe that my labor could actually go quickly, we didn't start filling the pool soon enough so the water was barely to the "minimum" line. I shivered from the adrenaline, smelled Essential oils to calm me, and hummed/moaned through each surge. Getting in the pool was nice even though the water was barely high enough to reach my belly. The second I got in I was feeling pressure. The surges were so intense that I was starting to lose focus. I looked to Danielle in desperation and she calmly said "focus on Sawyer. Connect with your girl. You two are a team and need to work together." I reconnected with my baby and all was well again. I felt a connection to my baby that was unlike any other feeling I have ever experienced. I didn't know who was around, what was said, or what was being done. It was just me and her working hard. Next contraction I instinctually exhaled to breathe my baby down. I was pushing! My body knew what to do. Right then my self doubt crept in and I turned to Jeff and said "I can't do this." Then I heard Danielle say "you already are! You are doing this. Every contraction brings you closer to meeting Sawyer." I grabbed Jeffs shoulders and hung on for dear life through every single contraction. Danielle placed a bottle of essential oil below my nose to inhale during surges and it was almost like a sedative! That smell was not only insanely calming but it forced me to breathe deeply. Every time I lost focus Danielle connected me with Sawyer. I responded with her words and focused on her voice. She kept reminding me that my baby was almost here. She told me to reach down and as I did I felt her head! We were a team, Sawyer and I. In that moment I felt connected to her in a way that I can't even describe. This was OUR birth. Something her and I were doing together. We were a team and we were doing this! On the outside I was loud. Moaning like a crazy animal through contractions. Apparently, vocalization is my birth coping mechanism lol! On the inside, however, I remained connected with my little Sawyer. Every time my doubt crept in my Midwife spoke softly and reconnected me with her and I was refocused. I pushed and felt her move down. Sawyers head was born in caul and as her shoulders emerged the bag burst. SO COOL! She was also born with a nuchal hand so Danielle needed to assist a bit. Then, after 6 mins of pushing, Sawyer Ruby Poulsen was born. At 9:11pm weighing 6lbs 8oz and 21 inches long. The bond was insane. I got to experience the "birth high" that everyone talks about and the euphoria lasts weeks. I felt powerful, maternal, and like I could conquer the world. I am a new person after this birth. I feel that god creates each woman with this strength and birth is the passageway to discovering it. I am a much more confident mother and person after this experience. Self confidence has a new meaning to me now. I can't ask any more of my body, it has served me well. I am proud of it and what it is capable of. Each time I get anxious that my pants no longer fit the same or that I have that tired "mom look" all I have to do is think about the fact that my body has grown two beings, birthed them, and fully nourished them as long as they needed. You can see more pictures by viewing my YouTube birth story slideshow at http://youtu.be/HTOp65a5A0M While we were eating dinner on Monday 6pm 8/3 my water broke, small gush and a little pink so I called my midwife to see what I should do. She suggested I come in to make sure it's my water, etc. We got our things ready and my sister in law came to get the boys! At 730pm we arrived at the birthing center, I was 2cm dilated and we confirmed that it was my water that had broken. 9pm contractions picked up and we're 6 min. apart. We watched a funny movie, and hung out, resting when we were able to. At 4am contractions pretty much stopped. 6am 8/4 contractions started again but weren't consistent. Legally there is a 24 hr time frame that the birthing center could keep me under their care after the bag of water is broken, unless I was in active labor by the 24 hr mark. The midwife suggested castor oil to get things going. We went home at 930am, ate a good breakfast at 10am then slept until 12pm when I took the castor oil... yuuuck, and I didn't finish the whole serving. In the meantime, we relaxed and watched another movie. Around 3pm diarrhea and contractions started coming on stronger than I had felt before, but were not consistent! My midwife text me saying that the medical director needed to assess labor and we got there around 730pm - stretched cervix, dilated to 4cm and contracting. Since I was progressing the director okayed me to stay! The contractions were consistent and stronger until I fell asleep at 130am when they STOPPED. By this time I'm feeling discouraged, sad, stressed and missing my babies that I hadn't seen since Monday evening. 4am 8/5 I woke up drank herbs and talked to my midwife, she insured me that everything that was happening is completely normal. This is the first time my body has gone into labor on its own and things take time. With the amount of time my water had been broken, we tried another homeopathic drink to get things going. I wanted to avoid pitocin at all costs! I finished the drink at 7 and the contractions started at 730am. While at the birthing center, being a VBAC mama, they checked the baby's heart rate about ever 30 minutes. On the last check at the center her heart rate dropped to the 80s. I got a vaginal exam - dilated to 4 and baby's head was REALLY low. Mikey and I left for the hospital while the midwife called in to give them a heads up. Arrived at the hospital around 830am. The baby's heart rate was back to normal as soon as they hooked me up! Shortly after the OB came in to discuss our options. The prolonged rupture worried her but my contractions were picking up so she gave me until 10am to see how things were moving. The midwifwe student that had been with us all night stayed and helped talk me through the contractions that were becoming more and more intense. As we were waiting she noticed the positive gbs test and even though I had retested with a negative result she suggested antibiotics. I agreed, 1. My water was broken for over 18hrs 2. I was not sure of the protocol so I'd rather get the antibiotics instead of them giving them to my baby when she was born. I progressed to 6cm by 10 am so the doctor didn't even suggest the pitocin! The contractions were intense, but I continued to breathe in, opening my stomach, and back out relaxing everything and releasing all of my energy out through my uterus. This is what I've been working so hard for. The midwife was amazing and so was Mikey. I switched positions to lean up against the back of the bed and the intensity grew fast with each contraction. When I felt the urge to push and my body forcing me to make the same noise I heard the night before from another laboring mom at the birthing center - I knew it was time. That was 11 am and I was at 10cm! I turned over and with little coaching and my body telling me exactly when to push, I pushed out a perfect baby girl at 11:09 am. She was put directly on my chest and I melted. Literally one of the best feelings in the entire world. The hospital I transferred to was amazing - she stayed on my chest from the time she was born, except to take blood for her 48 hr blood culture (precaution because my water had been broken for over 18 hrs and I had a positive gbs test during my pregnancy), she got her sponge bath at 11pm, and the nurses were amazing! She is a rock star breastfeeder and had the best blood sugar on the floor! Although I was not able to have the birth center birth I imagined, I am so satisfied with how things turned out. Everything happened for a reason and if I had not transferred care to The Birth Haven, I know for a fact my birth would have been a disaster. The hospital has protocol and I would not have been given the time to let my body and baby do exactly what they needed to do! My baby is healthy, I am healthy, and I rocked my natural VBAC!
Side note: This mama decided to switch care providers at 37 weeks pregnant because she felt like her first Obstetrician wasn't willing to compromise with her towards the end. She dealt with the classic "bait & switch", where someone tells you everything you want to hear, then when it comes down to it, they have their own agenda! Follow your intuition mamas! This woman was able to have the birth she wanted because of all of the hard work she put into becoming informed and not being afraid to stand up for what she wanted! While I was pregnant my husband, Judd, had suggested I look into having an un-medicated birth. I was never something I had considered before and wasn't sure how I felt about it but thought "What the heck". I read a few books and thought, if I can do it cool, if not oh well. Four days before my due date I started to get regular contractions. It was a Wednesday and I was supposed to be working. Contractions were far apart and not painful so I decided to go in and get my last day done. I cleaned out my desk and did some busy work to keep my mind occupied.
I went home like regular at 5:00 and was surprised that I had made it through the day. This labor thing was no big deal. HA! We had some soup for dinner and contractions were still coming, closer to 10 minutes apart now. I called the hospital about 9:00 that night and talked to the nurse. She said unless my water broke or my contractions were closer to 5-7 minutes apart I should stay home, rest, and try to relax. I was tired so I went to bed. I woke up about midnight with a really strong contraction. I woke Judd up and we headed to the hospital. It was about a 30-minute drive so I was getting a little anxious. I did NOT want to have a baby in the car. There really was no reason to worry about that but I still did (all moms do if they have to drive to somewhere.. right?) We got checked into the hospital about 2:00 am, they checked and I was dilated to about 4cm. The nurse asked if I wanted an epidural and I told her no. We had planned on a non-medicated birth. She looked at me like "uh-huh, sure lady!" She told me we were free to wander the halls or that I could take a bath if I wanted to. She told me walking around would help keep things moving. We walked around in the halls for an hour or two then I took a nice warm bath. It felt SO nice. At about 7:00 am my doctor was making rounds and came to see me. My water hadn't broken yet so he broke my water. That was probably my biggest regret. My contractions started coming hard and fast. I had a hard time catching my breath. The nurse checked me again about 8:00 and I was dilated to 8cm. Not long after that I felt like I needed to push. My nurse told me to push through a contraction to see how things looked. I went from 8cm-10cm right away. She called the doctor to head in and helped me breath through a couple REALLY strong contractions. I think waiting for the doctor was the hardest part of this labor. I just wanted to let my body do its thing! The doctor came in about 10 minutes later. After only pushing 4 times my sweet little boy was born! 8lb 8oz of perfection. I don't think I had ever been happier in my life. I was so grateful for my husband suggesting an un-medicated birth and I was so grateful for an amazing nurse that helped us through. Without those two I'm not sure we would have succeeded in our birth plan. Right after Lincoln was born I started to hemorrhage. The nurses were bustling around, I got a shot in my leg, and the doctor kept asking for things from the nurses. I started to fade a bit. The doctor got everything taken care of quickly but I sure felt weak. That first day at the hospital was not the greatest. I delivered at 9am but because I had lost so much blood I struggled to get out of bed. I didn't successfully make it out of bed until 9pm that night. The rest of our hospital stay was pretty typical. Lots of checks from the nurses. Snuggling with my sweet new baby. A few visitors. Finally we went home! I had some great friends and family help with meals for the first week and it was so very appreciated. I was on a super duper emotional roller coaster. I cried or laughed a lot those first couple weeks. We had some family come visit a few days after we were home. They asked how I was and I just had a breakdown. They were holding the baby and I just wanted him back. They apologized and I felt silly but I felt like something was just missing when my baby wasn't in my arms. I apologized for having a melt down but they understood. They left us with some dinner and headed home. I started to feel like I had more energy at about two weeks so I thought I'd try going to the grocery store. While I was checking out I realized that I hadn't made the best decision. I was exhausted! I went home and rested another week before I tried to leave the house again. I enjoyed all the love and support I had from friends and family. I was so happy to be a mother! It was a dream come true. The following list isn’t solely the expressed opinion of the Full Circle Doulas. Rather, it is the experiences they’ve had working alongside certain providers, recommendations that have been gathered, based on what others have said, & the more “popular” recommendations being shared around social media. Why are we doing this? Simple, because we are constantly seeing women asking for recommendations & receiving a whole list of basically every provider within a 35 mile radius… how’s that helpful? Why is this? Well, we are all unique! What works for one woman, may not work for another. So should you decide for yourselves to request recommendations, follow that up with a ‘WHY do you recommend them?’… You might be surprised to find that someone LOVED their Physician simply because they “allowed intermittent monitoring.” Or contrarily, “Allowed me to lay in my bed the whole time and didn’t suggest that I get up & move.” Some people feel a strong connection with them because they could act quickly and in a calm manner during a medical emergency. Whatever your cup of tea is, you should know why someone is giving a recommendation. Some people don’t desire the ability to take responsibility for their pregnancy & birth experience. But if you are one of those: ‘I want to know, I want to actively participate & take responsibility, and do what is considered best evidence,’ kind of gals, well than this is the place to be... First, you need to know and decide on a few things… -Your options for a provider: Obstetrician, Family Practice Physician, Midwife, or unassisted birth. -Your options for birthing facilities: Hospital, Birth center, or Home birth The biggest impact on your birth will be determined by your provider. Do you want to battle their policies & normal procedures the whole way? Do you want to sit in the victim's seat & just let birth happen to you? Do want everyone else to dictate your experience? Or do you want to take responsibility for your experience and maintain control over the decision making? Do you want to feel empowered & comfortable with the people you allow into your birthing space? Then this is the beginning of some very important decisions you are going to be making from now throughout parenthood... You must envision the birth you are wanting & what kind of space you want to be in. If you aren't high risk & you envision a birth where you can labor in the water, move freely, eat & drink as needed, be in the comfort of your space, have a provider that spends an hour with you at each appointment, covers things like chiropractic care, massage & is more hands off, then you might consider interviewing some midwives. If you are high risk or you feel like you need to be in a medical setting, where you can have some of these freedoms, but might need to compromise on a few things (because birth is unexpected) then you need to prepare and educate yourself. Starting with your provider. This isn't an attempt to scare you or worry you about your provider options. This is to get you thinking about what YOU want. *My goal is for everyone reading this, to leave feeling prepared, educated & supported! Not in fear over anything. Knowledge is power.
Birth trauma is real, unnecessary cesareans do happen, & far too many inductions (with a whole cascade of other interventions) are happening. The only way we can change the practice of maternity care is with our dollar. You pay these people (yes, they are human too), to give you their very best. To keep you safe, to keep your baby safe, to treat you with dignity and respect, and to work with you as a unique individual deserving of your own unique & positive birth experience. Interviewing providers It is okay & preferred that you visit at least 3 providers, to see who is a match for you! Who do you click with? Who answered your questions without making you feel rushed? Who actively listened to hear, instead of listened to speak? Who seemed honest? What was the wait time like before getting an appointment & while sitting at the office waiting for your turn? How was the staff? Did you feel welcomed or like you were being pushed through the assembly line? Was the office and rooms clean and tidy? Was it too “sterile” for you? Did your Doctor seem like a team player, someone who was going to discuss all your options with you & work with you, to decide the best course of action? You can hire & fire! You aren't going to hurt anyone's feelings- except maybe your own. Do not settle based on the extra work it takes to interview more than one provider. Don’t draw a random name based on a friend's recommendation, or worry about upsetting the Provider. If you are with someone now & you feel it's mediocre at best, interview more!! I have met women who had switched providers at 37 weeks & they were so glad they did. I haven't personally met anyone who was sorry they switched. Don't set yourself up for regret!! If you are in the hospital or whatever facility you choose to give birth at; and the staff tending to you don’t work well for your needs, or seem like they aren't there to support you 100%, there is no harm in asking for someone else! There might be hurt feelings, but it's better than the alternative, and you'll likely never see these people again. If you do this in a respectful way, there’s less of a chance of anyone getting upset. Moving on to the nitty gritty… *But first a disclaimer! These comments were gathered from various sources & for many of them, there were others who felt strongly against them. So, there are two sides to every one of them, that’s why it’s important for you to interview! Here’s what others had to say about the Top 7: Annie Overson CNM-Brigham City (There were absolutely no bad reviews for her! I can also attest to her incredible work ethics & care!) -"She makes you feel like you're her only patient and is on call for all of her patients. DR. Ferguson works with her and I cannot say enough about him either. Their isn't 2 more qualified people I would recommend. I worked in labor and delivery for 8.5 years and now the Nicu and professional experience, they are spectacular." -"Annie overson is in his office and she's incredible! I will not go to another clinic. I've seen annie through my miscarriages and pregnancy and her and her staff are incredible." -"We love Annie! She has genuine concern for her patients, is very sweet, down to earth, and on our level. I had a whole list of concerns and she read through them and immediately knew how to help me. I feel like no one judges me when I am there and it is a friendly atmosphere. I actually don't dread going to my appointments." -"Annie is absolutely amazing. She is an awesome doctor not once made me feel uncomfortable and truly was caring and kind. I had a wonderful experience and don't hesitate to go back to her when I have more kids in the future. She is great and her staff is also!" -"Annie is an amazing provider. She treats each person individually and with the utmost respect. She listens with her heart, and being a woman that is exactly what I need in a provider." -"Annie Overson is awesome to work with! Along with her staff. The environment is very friendly and welcoming. I recommend her or the office to anyone looking for a new OBGYN or just starting out seeing one. She's very kind and talks about what she can to help you reach your goals." Chase Peterson- Cache Valley -"I second Dr. Peterson. I moved from California in my last 2 months of pregnancy and he was so nice. He will answer any questions and if you call him when he's not the available he will for sure call you back ASAP. When I delivered my baby he was so caring and made sure I was comfortable with everything happening. Anyways he's great totally recommend him -My daughter in law just went to Dr Peterson at the Budge and loved him. My son said he took 2 hours to answer her questions about PCOS and they were well pleased." -"I have to give props to my OB at the budge clinic, Dr. Petersen, he was amazing at respecting all my now crunchy ways and even educated me about my placenta after delivery. (He also delivered my baby one handed...he didn't have time to put both gloves on!" -"I met him right when I was pushing. He was very calm, nice, and great bedside manners. I felt like he was my doctor the entire time. He supported delayed cord clamping and my saline lock. He didn't seem rushed to do anything and he just let my body do the work. I only pushed for like 6 minutes, but it was nice that he trusted my body. I truly liked him and I only was around him for maybe 30 to 40 minutes." Danielle Checketts LDEM- Brigham City/Home Birth -"Danielle has delivered my last 3 babies in my home. She always seeks to make the experience everything I want it to be. She brings a very serene, knowledgeable, and confident presence to the birth and is so great at allowing the mommy and the baby to create the birth that is right for them." -"The best care from the minute I walked into their birth center. We had an amazing, powerful and supportive home birth. Pampered and spoiled the whole way and postpartum care is extraordinary! Every visit was filled and were available every step of the way!! I love each and every one of them, the best team!!" -"The Cadillac birth package with Cadillac midwives!!!! Not only do they truly care about you but they are highly skilled and supportive! They listened to me and what kind of birth I wanted, and were amazing at my birth! Also, their postpartum care is so wonderful, unlike any other! They care so much about you and your baby! I couldn't have asked for any better! I will be returning to them for every baby I have, thank you Mermaid Birth for helping and guiding me threw my birthing experience! Highly recommend them!!" -"With Danielle and her team I was able to have the birth experience I had always hoped for....twice! Fully recommend mermaid birth." -"Danielle and her team provide such great prenatal and postpartum care. They made my whole experience, including labor and delivery such an amazing and empowering experience. Highly recommend!" Ricky Gardner FP- Tremonton -"He's very interested in learning about the patient. Finding out what the patients needs are and making sure that the final solution is achieved much more than other providers that I have seen in the past." -"He's the best doctor I've had. I would recommend him for anyone. He listens to the things that you're saying and the concerns that you have. If he's not sure of the answer, he will find the answer and let you know. He listens to your concerns." -"He is an extremely good listener and he treats you like you're just not below him. -He treats you as you're very important." -"He is a wonderful doctor. I would highly recommend him to anyone. I appreciate the care that he gave me during my pregnancy." Stanton Bailey OB/GYN- Brigham City -"He just delivered for me and he was great! He has a very naturalistic perspective on birth and he made the whole experience great! I wouldn't be nervous at all. He ended up having to turn my son and kept both me and the babe calm. His personality is just way relaxed and he won't rush anything if he doesn't have to." -"Dr. Bailey is a wonderful physician who truly cares about his patients. I'm excited he has come to Brigham." Jon Ahlstrom OB/GYN- Cache Valley -"He's amazing. When I went into labor with my son a day before my scheduled c-section he was out of town. He rushed into town an hour or so later so he could deliver my baby. Hands down the best doctor." -"I see Dr. Ahlstrom. His staff is awesome, and he really cares. Other doctors who know him really like him too, as do nurses. He does have a bit of what I refer to as "Male version of resting bitch face", but he is a nice guy. He can also go to either hospital, unlike a lot of others." -"Dr. John Ahlstrom it's a small office. Visits we short but thorough. He was the best Dr. I ever had deliver my baby. And I have had five different Drs. He was awesome." Tandy Olsen OB/GYN- Cache Valley -"Dr. Olsen is amazing he had been my doctor for the past 4 years I wouldn't trade him for another he has really good bed side manners and just makes you feel comfortable answers all questions and doesn't make you feel dumb with a small concern or question. He has delivered 2 of my babies and will be delivering my third in November." -"I second Dr. Olsen he's top notch." -"He's been my doctor for 6 years and delivered 2 of my babies. He's great!" -"Dr. Olsen is absolutely the best out there. My story for my pure devotion was when my daughter at 16, her OBGYN wouldn't listen, the OBGYN on call the night I brought her in wouldn't listen. The next day Olson was on call when I brought her back in. After checking her, with tears in his eyes, he held her hand as he told her that today was going to be the worse day of her young life. She delivered hours later at 21 weeks...fast forward a few years...he has helped her successfully carry to almost term 2 little amazing men, he has been great with our entire family." -"I love Dr. Olsen, he is a awesome doctor, and very personable, he explains everything that he is doing, and is super nice!" -"Tandy Olsen!! He goes above and beyond!!" -"Dr. Olsen help me with my natural VBAC. He was simply the best!" -"Dr. Olsen really is the best. He came in on his day off to deliver my baby just last week and was so awesome." -"I used Dr. Tandy Olsen. He was wonderful! I ended up needing assistance with delivery and he told me about all the options I had and let me choose. I never felt pressured to do anything. I will use him again." ***Thomas Clark**** Dr. Clark has been included on this list because of the many recommendations & outstanding care he has provided for women and families in our community. Though he is no longer accepting pregnant patients or catching babies. The hospital was insistent that he no longer attend births since back up arrangements couldn’t be provided. We hope that one day, the politics will change. Until then, go see him for other family care! -"I feel like Dr. Thomas Clark is an excellent physician. He explains things clearly. I just wish more doctors were like him. He's been our family practitioner for the past 6 years and delivered 2 of my children. I just think he's the best doctor Logan has." -"He is our family doctor, and I am going to be sad when we move away. We have been going to him for seven years. He was my OB doctor with my first baby, and he has been my doctor with all my other babies. He treats us like people and not just as a patient. If we haven't seem him for a year and even when we come back he remembers us and what we talked about." -"Very knowledgeable with pregnancy and diabetes, with his help I have been able to keep my A1C down. Anyone with diabetes I recommend. And has given me the best care I have gotten from anybody." -"He remembered things that were multiple years back in history from the time I most recently visited him. He has explained things very clearly and thoroughly. He has shown attentiveness on an individual level that's been very impressive. I know he's working through an immense client load so I'm impressed the time he spends with this patients. I feel like I'm the only one when I go in there." Should the “Top 7” Not work for you, here’s the rest of the: 'Also recommended providers'! **This is not to say that one is better than another. Rather, it was based on the number of recommendations & the physician’s willingness to provide options, support, and work well as a team member on your birth team.** David Kirkman- Cache Valley -"Dr. Kirkman! I've had 3 sections, and he's still letting try for a vbac. He is basically willing to help you try whatever delivery makes you happy, as long as it's safe. He's VERY supportive." -"Dr. Kirkman is absolutely fantastic. He was my first male OB and I was nothing but impressed. Very caring, yet laid back and super calm. He is awesome." -"Kirkman, kirkman, kirkman!! 6 days past due and he never pushed an induction. Explained my options but never pushed. I trusted him very much. His nurse and PA are wonderful too." -"Kirkman hands down I pushed for two or more hours with the nurse and when he came in he had my son out in minutes cause he knows his stuff! And he listened to all my request and never pushed me away from my own decisions." -"I was very grateful to have Dr. Kirkman as my OB. He is so patient, kind, and open minded." Brett Horsley OB/GYN- Cache Valley -"Dr. Horsley is the best. His staff & him are amazing. He is a high risk pregnancy doctor so if anything did go wrong he is highly trained for any situation." -"I loved Dr. Horsley! He was very supportive of a VBAC for me. He wasn't my doctor for my first when I had the c-section, but he encouraged me and helped me to have the experience I was hoping for." -"Dr. Horsley is my doctor he's super nice, funny, listens to u and seems to genuinely care." -"I have used Horsley through one high risk pregnancy and am now seeing him for another. He has really been great to give me the best care possible and takes the time I need for my situation." -"I'm just going to go ahead and add to the 30 other comments and say that Dr. Horsley is amazing! He has been my Doctor for years, and I have really liked him." -"He is trained in some natural medicine too. I know of at least one mama in here that didn't like him, but everyone else I have talked to loves him. He was very supportive of all of my choices including delayed cord clamping. He is not pushy at all. I had an easy pregnancy, though. Not sure if he's more pushy with high risk." -"Horsley was AWESOME with my VBAC delivery 2 years ago! Very supportive of whatever decisions we wanted to make. Took his time and listened." Gary Fowers- Cache Valley -"Dr. Fowers hands down!" -"I had Gary Fowers deliver both of my girls and he is an amazing OB doctor. He is delightful, energetic, always cheerful, down to earth, very knowledgeable in what he practices, all around great guy and great doctor." -"He's the best ever. He's very personal with his patients. He never makes you feel rushed, or make you feel like he needs to get out of there. He takes time to respond, give professional opinions. He tells good jokes." -"He's the best OBGYN doctor I know. He does the best job to make sure you're being respected and makes sure that any wishes you have during your pregnancy, he will give you what you want." Erica Smith- Cache Valley -"Erica Smith is wonderful! So personable and understanding. I had one with an epidural and one natural and she was super supportive and helpful with both deliveries. I totally recommend her!" -"Dr. Erica Smith at Budge Woman's Clinic!!! She truly is amazing, understanding, takes her time not rushing you out with unanswered questions. She is taking very good care of me during my high risk pregnancy and she is reassuring and encouraging." -"Erica Smith at the budge clinic. I just had a baby, with some complications, and she was amazing. She listened to my every worry, addressed them and helped me feel better and know everything was ok. I highly recommend her." -"I've enjoyed Dr. Erica Smith but I agree with above comments that interviewing providers would be best. I wasn't high risk but I did have 2VBA2C with Erica. I felt like she really cared for me." Moon- Cache Valley -"If you’re looking for a midwife D'Anne Moon at the women's center at the lodge is the best!! She delivers at Logan regional." So there you have it!! Did your favorite Provider make the list?! Let us know! And don't forget these were 'popular vote', everyone chooses many providers based on their own unique experiences! Can you attest to one of the Providers listed? Comment below to let others Know!! So you may have heard of a Doula from a referring friend (hopefully), or maybe your care provider (definitely hope so) or somehow you managed to stumble upon the term, googled it & thought 'I could certainly use a “Servant” during my pregnancy, labor, and birth!' Now that certainly isn't my favorite term to use when describing my job, but if google defines us as that, it must be true right? ….
However, that is what we do! We serve pregnant women & their families in the prenatal & postpartum period. In more ways than one… That's a blog for another day... The question we should really be asking: 'Is she really only available to assist the expectant woman with finding resources, providing her with valuable and reliable information, so that she may make decisions based on her beliefs? Does she really just educate the mom-to-be, support her in many mental, physical, and emotional ways? Then at the time of her labor and birth, waltz into the place and save her like a super hero? ...At the end, expecting a round of applause, and many thanks for giving this woman the birth experience she desires? While the delusional side of me says: 'hey, that kind of recognition might be kind of nice once in a while.' ….Kidding. The realistic side of me says 'No thanks, this isn't my birth story!' I'll let you in on a little secret, are you ready?...... ….. Doulas are just as much for the birth partner as they are for the pregnant mother! If not more. Shocker, I know. Here are 5 ways that a Doula Supports birth partners… 1. One of the BIGGEST reasons (in my humble opinion) that I believe Doulas are as important for the partner, as they are the mother; is that we pregnant mamas, expect A LOT of our support persons. I think I can speak for many women when I say that their partner performed *ahem *, less than satisfactory while supporting them in their labor & birthing time. It's all rainbows & unicorns when we are spending our time day dreaming about the bliss we will be in during our labor. Thinking about how our partner knows exactly when and where to apply that counter pressure. As he suggests a position to help turn our OP baby, reads the perfect hypnobirthing script, pulls out the rebozo, wipes our brow with a cool cloth, massages our hands and feet, then answers all the questions & wards off any unwanted interventions from the medical staff…. Dreamy right? But lets be honest for a moment. Our partners do love us, they want to help us, they are excited and nervous too. They want the very best for us & the baby. Yet, your run of the mill hospital childbirth class isn't exactly going to give them the education and support they need to help. Maybe they did learn a lot about childbirth, and (hopefully) you both attended a very informative and helpful education class for learning about physiological birth, & coping skills. However, when you have a persistent staff member trying to insist on something you aren't ready for yet, they may feel incompetent and like they're being put on the spot. Maybe seeing you in pain makes them uneasy, like they need to “rescue” you. Maybe the hospital setting in general makes them anxious. Those wonderful positions you showed him online? Forgotten. That article about the risks and benefits of artificial rupture of membranes? 'Oh, did he really have to read that?' So here we are thinking our partner is going to come in like a knight in shining armor with the touch and charm of McDreamy, but in reality everything they just learned has unfortunately escaped them. They are now anxious, trying to scramble for the right words to say, right where to touch or whether to touch at all and then shutting down. Resorting to what's on t.v., where they can get a bite to eat, or just blankly staring at you and waiting for you to tell them what to do. Sounds helpful right? I know I can't speak of all partners this way because I am positive there are many loving, well educated, prepared, & experienced partners out there being amazing birth support. More often than not though, the majority are pretty baffled at what E.X.A.C.T.L.Y their role is. -Insert Doula. She is a guide and a helping hand to the partner. Encouraging them and showing them what could be helpful at that very moment. She helps them, help you. A good Doula will be the one that's possibly off to the side, guiding and instructing your partner on what ways they can help you manage the pain, what positions can be effective and helping them to reassure you or move you. She is more behind the scenes, instead of one of the starring roles! 2. Setting the example. Maybe your partner is normally anxious or just being at the hospital makes them anxious. Maybe they are quite funny normally, but don't know that there comes a time when the humor is no longer acceptable. Maybe they are very sensitive to you & your emotions that they practically weep with you. This is where the Doula can simply make a difference by doing nothing other than setting a positive, calm, confident example of appropriate behavior and composure. After all, if there's nothing to be anxious over, she isn't going to behave that way. When she recognizes you are in the later stages of labor, she isn't going to crack a joke. She also isn't emotionally tied to you, so she can cheer you on and believe in you in a confident manner. Even if you aren't coping so well, she can be a great reminder that you are strong. 3. Bridging the gap of communication with your care provider. A good Doula will come with extra birth plan copies in her bag. She can remind you both of your wishes and nudge your partner to remind him to ask for more time to come to a decision. You don't want to feel put on the spot or caught off guard with suggested treatments/interventions, while you are working hard through a surge. She is not there to speak on your behalf. She is there to empower you both in making your own decisions, and voicing your wants/needs. She can help him or you ask for the time to decide, taking the pressure off of the both of you. 4. A knowledgeable support persons. Basically your own walking and talking google. She is a trained and educated birth professional. If she doesn't already have the information in her head, she will help you both find it. Then understand it, and then step back as you both discuss it and come to a conclusion. Having options and assistance in making an informed choice is crucial to your experience. 5. Back up. If your partner just needs some time to regroup, rest, eat, use the restroom, whatever it may be. Your trusted Doula can step in and take over while they do so. She is not there to take the place of the partner. You likely don't want to remember gazing into her eyes and think of her as you remember your experience later on. She is the facilitator. She won't be going home to raise the baby(s) with you. You want to remember sharing your intimate experience with your partner! This is you guys' time to bond and prepare for parenthood. However, this is strenuous work for the partner as well and they have to be taken care of in order to take care of you. Maybe, your partner won't want to take a break or leave your side. The good news is that your Doula can step away and grab your partner a snack, a drink or just simply give words of encouragement and continue to guide them on how they can best assist you. 6. Heaven forbid your baby need any immediate or special medical attention, they might not be sure on whether to attend to the baby or to stay with you. Certainly they'll want to be with the baby, but might feel bad for leaving you alone. You don't have to be alone when your Doula is present. Your partner can go with the baby, and your Doula can stay by your side. Helping keep you informed on the present situation, calm and not feeling scared and alone. There are several ways a Doula can be beneficial to your partner, but these are 6 very common and big ways they can help them, help you. Your partner knows you, your Doula knows birth. Together they can make a wonderful support team during this very special and elaborate process. Then you can relax, put all of your focus into your hard work of birth, and let go of any worries. Just knowing that you have these two working as a team to lift you up, Support you, cheer you on, and believing in you; can make all the difference in your experience. I'd like to hear about any other ways you've found a Doula to be helpful to your/a partner! Comment below!! "If a Doula were a drug, it would be unethical not use it."
-John H. Kennell MDHere's A small list of common myths surrounding Doulas and the support they provide: Myth: Doulas "Deliver" babies. Fact: The only things Doulas "Deliver" is: unconditional support, passion, strength, love and knowledge. *We leave catching babies to Midwives, Obstetricians, Doctors and the parents! Myth: Doulas Control your birth experience. Fact: Doulas assist mothers and families in taking control of their own experience. Bridging the gap between the expectant parents & their care providers. Advocating for better birth practices, providing the mother and her partner with important resources, knowledge and the skills needed to achieve their desired birth. While Improving birth Outcomes. Doulas will not force their idealized version of a "perfect" birth on anyone. Myth: Doulas only assist in Un-medicated or "natural" births. Fact: Doulas are there to aid the mother and her partner in however and wherever they choose to birth their baby. Doulas can help provide the education or resources needed in order for the mother to be informed of her choices; so that she can feel comfortable in whatever way she chooses to bring her baby into the world. We do not discriminate or pass judgement. We collaborate with the expectant parent(s) and tailor our support in a way that fits each unique experience. Doulas are for hospital births, home births, cesarean birth, birth in a Birth Center, a birth in nature or a water birth. It is not our job to pass judgement about your choices, so long as you felt informed, empowered, and supported. Myth: You don't need a Doula if you have a birth companion... Fact: "Data from a wide variety of medical, cultural, and economic settings also makes clear that with the continuous emotional and physical support of a labor assistant there can be a:" 50% reduction in overall cesarean rate, 25% reduction in length of labor, 40% reduction in pitocin use, 30% reduction in the use of pain medication 40% reduction in the use of forceps, 60% reduction in the request for epidural anesthesia. -Increased maternal satisfaction -And Increased Breastfeeding success. (Mothering the Mother. Klaus, Kennell and Klaus.1993) "The positive effects of continuous labor support are recognized by the World Health Organization (WHO), the Association of Women's Health, Obstetric and Neonatal Nurses (AWHONN), the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists (ACOG), and the Medical Leadership Council, an organization of over 1,200 U.S. Hospitals." Looking for more Evidence Based information on Doulas? Find it here and here. Myth: "I don't need a Doula because my husband and I work great together as a team." Fact: AWESOME! Nothing I enjoy more than watching mama's & their partner sway together, sing & moan together, laugh, touch & support one another. It makes my job easier! I can also provide support to fathers who aren't feeling confident or prepared, I can suggest different positions, techniques & ideas to help the laboring mom work through her surges. I can be there when the partner needs a bathroom break, a nap or food. If the mother gives birth by cesarean, I can stay with the mother while the father goes with the new baby. Your Partner understands you, I understand birth. Together we can make an outstanding team! Myth: "My Nurse/Doctor/Midwife, will be there to support me anyways." Fact: Doctors, Nurses & Midwives have a lot of behind the scenes work to do. Attending other women, paperwork, medical care & a change of shifts. Doulas typically don't have a "quit time or change of shifts," we are there from the time we are requested to the time you are ready to be left to your new family. We are there for the continuous support of the mother. Your whole experience is important to us. The Medical Professionals work for the hospital. We work for the Mother. Myth: Doulas provide medical care. Fact: This is absolutely far from the truth. Doulas are trained not to over step their boundaries or work out of their "scope of practice." Doulas do not Provide: -Vital Sign Measurements -Cervical checks -Checking Fetal Heart Tones -Give Medical advice or Diagnose - Again, Doulas do not catch babies. As a Doula, I work alongside the Medical Providers to enhance the level of support a mother receives. I hope this clears up some of the common myths! While recently doing some homework and speaking with a mother about her pregnancy experience, I came across the first topic I decided I wanted to talk about. I like to write about meaningful (to me anyway) topics. Sometimes it can take me a bit to get a new post out. Well, also because I only have nine bazillion other things to do like; search for the poopy diaper that was taken off & left somewhere. Or don my toddler in all of his super hero gear.... for the umpteenth time. Anyway, I wanted to discuss something that really gets me right in the feelers & lights a fire under my bum. It is something that has been written about before, it's not like I am coming up with some ancient wisdom. However, it is imperative to me that we help spread the word on important topics. In this moment it occurred to me....
In today's society it seems that most people love to hear the gore. The horror. The emergency. The interventions, the "could-haves" or "should haves", the worse it sounds, the better. Hell, I'm not even going to pretend like it's one gender vs. the other. It is men & women both. Now, to avoid getting all negative Nancy on you, let me say that there is good to go along with the bad & the ugly in this situation. See, I'm not just dwelling. :) Let's start with the good...It is good that men and women alike are communicating and sharing their labor/birth stories. I think it is positive for this type of communication to take place; Whether it be just recounting the experience for small talk's sake, sharing pertinent information or because talking about it, acknowledging the experience, breaking it down and accepting your feelings towards it, is healing. I obviously love to talk pregnancy & birth, but I get excited to hear others talk about it in a passionate way too. It means we are still human and still experiencing feelings surrounding such a sacred time in people's lives. *Go Humans!* I think it can be utilized in a way that encourages or EMPOWERS other Mama's and their family. The Bad... There is still the bad though..... I know you're saying 'Wait, she just said sharing our birth story was GOOD?!' It CAN be good. Here's where I think it gets bad though, when we are sharing misinformation, not facts. Sharing the benefits, but not the risks. For those that are wondering just how other humans can possibly share misinformation in a pregnancy/birth story, let me give you a few examples I collected from others; "When telling my friend I planned to breastfeed she responded with; Yeah, good luck with that. It was too hard for me and she wasn't getting the necessary nutrients from my milk. So you might be changing your mind real soon. Formula is just as nutritious anyways." "My Nurse told me that my only option for my daughter's bilirubin levels to balance out was to give her formula. The nurse came in, put the formula on the table and told me that was my only option to be released the next day or my baby could suffer major health risks." "My nurse at the hospital pushed me to get pitocin even though I was at 5cm and progressing she threatened me with the "your not moving fast enough and if he's not out quick enough we will have to get him out"... C -section scaring a 20 year old.." " When I went in for braxton hicks at about 24-26 weeks the nurse told me that Braxton hicks aren't real, they don't really happen to people and she didn't get why people believed them" " My doctor prescribed me zofran for my morning sickness, when I asked him about the side effects he told me of course it was perfectly safe why else would he prescribe it for pregnant women? turns out there are a ton of lawsuits linked to zofran causing cleft pallets and heart defects" The fact is; not everyone has done their research. Not every mom, dad or Aunt Louise has done their homework on pregnancy, labor or childbirth. Educating them with up to date, evidence based practice. I doubt that Aunt Louise knows what "Best Practice" is just because she's had 5 babies..... back in the 1960's. Times have changed, policies have changed, and the view of birth has changed (if only in a small way, it's progress right?). Not everyone is supportive, encouraging, happy with their personal experiences or well educated on some topics. They might mean well, but could still be spreading misinformation with their biased & uneducated advice. Not all of the information we receive is the whole truth. More often than not, we aren't being told we have choices and what the benefits AND risks are of our choices. In the moments of labor and birth most people are somewhat sleep deprived, anxious, emotional and may not be fully understanding of all of the medical lingo, interventions or treatments. While that might not sound like a big deal at the moment, the stories and experiences can be shared like a game of "telephone" or leave someone with the wrong "facts". Not only that, but there is so much hearsay that goes on surrounding pregnancy & birth, that soon all of these similar sounding horror stories start to become "the norm". We all know that leaning too far one way with our beliefs/opinions, without having the full facts or true informed consent, will cause biased and opinion-based misinformation to be spread like a wildfire. Still not convinced that sharing birth stories can get ugly? Well let me finish... The ugly.... The ugly side of sharing birth stories is when it becomes your audio version of something that sounds like Stephen King himself is reading this birth story. Imagine this; you are sitting there on your couch, no bra on, munching away on your favorite ice cream and chatting with your BFF, with no interruptions. Dreamy right? Making small talk, you casually mention that you are wanting to have a med free birth & she nearly chokes on her ice cream. Spewing out something along the lines of "Are you CRAZY?! Don't you know how bad it hurts?!" You expected that though, so you calmly explain that you are aware of the intense surges of pressure during labor & that you have been practicing your hypnobabies and labor positions. That's not enough though, you've opened Pandora's box. 15 minutes later you are picking your jaw up off of the ground after hearing about every UNNECESSARY, gory, fear filled detail right up to the "26 stitches it took to sew me back up down there, but my baby & I are happy and healthy." Suddenly you are left wondering 'What if my cervix doesn't dilate fast enough? What if my birth becomes a medical emergency? What if I can't handle the pain and I let everyone down? What if I'm not allowed to walk the halls? What if, what if, what if?' Luckily, you finish your pint and send her out the door before she really harshes your vibes. How about this similar scenario being played out 5 times in one pregnancy? Do you think it might start to wear on her and make her doubt herself? Of course it can! Especially for first time moms who may not know what to expect and are already having the jitters about their labor experience. Causing unnecessary fear, anxiety and doubt. These emotions can take a great toll on the labor process. We know that fear can cause a labor to "stall" aka "Failure to progress." The biological proof is in other mammals that will not give birth until they are somewhere they feel safe. Not having the right support to deal with these emotions can turn the whole thing into an unhappy birth experience before you know it. So why the need to share these scary stories and present labor & childbirth as an emergency that needs to be managed? As if women's bodies were ticking time bombs waiting to fail at any moment? Instead of a beautiful, normal, physiological , empowering experience? Why do others appear to find some sort of gratification by sharing their story in the most elaborate and frightening way? I personally think that it's innocent for most, for some it's a way of speaking out about their pain, and maybe for some they just find excitement in sharing their "life or death" experience. Maybe some seek pity from others. That is something only the person telling the story knows. So the next time you go to share your birth story, think carefully before you speak! Is it helpful, encouraging, insightful, or empowering? If you can't answer yes to any of those, maybe you ought to find something else that is. The truth is, pregnant women don't want to hear your scary story, they want to be excited about their own. Every pregnancy & every birth is different anyways, with different factors & genes. So there's no need to "warn" (worry) a expectant mother over something that she has no control over. Lets lift each other up & encourage other women to rock the birth they want. If you really can't just set aside your experience or your negative feelings towards the subject in order to engage in a positive conversation about someone else's, than maybe seeking help would be the best option for you. A Traumatic birth can cause PTSD, depression and mental illness in the post partum period. The best place to start is by speaking to a professional (not your hormonal friend) who knows how to help you process these emotions. Reach out for help and find resources to help you through your experience. Just don't dump that negativity on a happy, excited, glowing mama.... It's not nice!!! For those expectant mommies that have already experienced this or are expecting (and will likely experience this), stay strong and stand up for yourself. It's ok to excuse yourself from a similar conversation to avoid the impact of those negative emotions. That is their baggage to carry, not yours. Considering the source is also as important : ) You can't dwell on the "what-ifs"? What-ifs rob you of your joy, of your experience, of your peace & of living in the present moment. Lets share our good experiences, lift each other up and empower one another to have the best experience that they can, whatever that means to THEM. <3 |